He Is Not The Father

But as he left, he grabbed my bump and kissed it, as if saying ‘Ciao’ to his own son.

He’s not the father and he knows it. We split up after a massive fight. I didn’t go round to his. He didn’t call or text. For the best part of three months.

Three weeks into ‘trying again’, we found out I was pregnant. No bullshit, no lies. No cheating.

He is not the father, but he’s started behaving like a dad in his subconscious attachments. His father left the earth about 20 years ago, 16th June. Sometimes, I think he really does want to be a father, but he knows how messed up he is that he doesn’t want to give that to his son.

But other times I see a glimmer in his eye that says he can do it.

I was mad at him for a fortnight. Then I laid eyes on him, smelt his stench, and he was forgiven. Just like that.