Said my 25 year old brother as he tried to stop me going outside to speak with ‘a friend’.
What?
I’m pregnant?!
Wow jeez, thanks for letting me know. I had been wondering what this growth in my front had been for the past 40 weeks. Thank heavens you were here to clarify that for me. Without your help, who knows when I’d’ve realised.
Men in a pregnant woman’s life, from a pregnant woman’s perspective, seem to adopt one of three stances, without our request.
1. Chivalrous Gentleman Extraordinaire:
He holds doors open, carries bags, sacrifices seats. He reads up on the process sometimes and tries to regurgitate facts to demonstrate his understanding. I assume he either admires all the mini human creation on show here. Either that or he is doing everything in his power to make sure that thing doesn’t spontaneously fall out of you right here and right now. He is either completely comfortable with this or panicking silently. He is Mr. Is It Coming Now?
2. Procreation Defamation Advocator
He often misunderstands the physical demands of this period of time are constant and exhausting, if he knew at all. He forgets at times, usually pivotal moments, may highlight you’ve done this to yourself (erm, no), and though his treatment of you as still a functioning human being is a breath of fresh air in small bursts, his lack of empathy is alarming. He is Mr. It’s That Time of the Month.
3. Gestation Conservatorship Sympathiser
He has probably heard of pregnancy / baby brain. Ideally not. He often adopts a stance that requires him to frequently remind you that you are pregnant as if this were a rare condition that renders you incapable of making rational decisions. Ergo, he must make these for you – deciding if you should go outside, for what reasons and for how long. If he has a means of transportation to support your mobility, he can be confused as chivalrous. He often believes he knows what’s best for you better than you do, for he has an honorary degree in what exactly? He is Mr. Do This Do That
These categories are not fixed in my perspective and men (as in the womb less , non-menstruating segment of the populous) can transition through these roles frequently.
Like your dad’s porno stash, once you see it, you can’t unsee it.
Motherhood: Incoming 